Hey Chris,
I need a backbone…got a spare?
No seriously, I’m struggling with something that I hope you can help me with. I feel so good about the fact that I can, finally, say “no” when needed. I was a bit of a doormat and discovered that it’s just not the end of the world for me to say no.
This is all good, except now I feel I have to explain my reasoning behind my no. As a result, I struggle with standing firm in my no.
I’ve come so far, I don’t want to let people wipe their shoes on me again.
Do you have some suggestions that will help me find and keep my backbone when I say no?
TIA!
Signed,
No means no, maybe
~~~~~~~~~~
Hi No means no, maybe.
First and foremost, congratulations for being ABLE to say no. Do you have any idea how many people struggle with even doing that? They feel so bad that they wear themselves out trying to find a way to say no and end up saying yes.
Wasted energy.
Here’s something I truly want you to take in, embrace and even create either an affirmation or mantra out of it.
Ready?
No…is a complete sentence.
You do not have to say more than that. The person you’re saying no to, KNOWS why you’re saying no. They gave you an option of saying yes or no when they asked or made a request of you. They aren’t stupid…trust me.
When you feel like you have to explain, they KNOW they have you on the ropes and can now try to influence you to say yes. They will look for holes in your explanation to make you think about it or even worse, feel bad about it.
Don’t arm them with the words to use against you.
Just say, no.
If they want to know why, you can mess with them a bit and say, “I think you know.”
If they persist, tell them that you think they are really smart, so you don’t have to explain it.
That will leave them silent for a minute. Who wants to admit they aren’t really smart? lol
You are VERY powerful in being able to say no. Now, own that power and leave it right there. It may be tough the first couple of times, but remember, always…
No…is a complete sentence.
You. got. this.
~ Fear nothing. Love everything.
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Thank you.