So Chris,
I have such severe shyness and nervousness, especially speaking in public or during interviews. Even though I think I am prepared I still get nervous and have mental blocks during conversations. Even my voice shakes and I am so humiliated. I need to train myself but I don’t know where to start.
Signed,
Way too shy
~~~~~~~~~~
Oh my too shy, you are not alone.
Early in my career, a manager “shamed” me in front of my team and of course after that I was incredibly nervous to talk out loud.
I realized much later in my career that this manager was so insecure about everything that he needed targets to take the pressure off.
Of course, in the moment and for many years following, I didn’t know this. I’m not even sure that knowing it would have helped.
Enough about me… I just wanted you to know that you’re not alone.
Let’s look at this from a couple of angles.
You say you prepare and that’s a clear indication that you know what you have to do to be ready. So my question would be, how much do you prepare?
When I have a presentation to give, even though I’ve spoken a lot in my careers and while leading my business, I still “over” prepare. It allows me the freedom of “going off script” if I need to.
So if you have an upcoming interview for a new position, I wouldn’t just prepare what you’re going to say, but also for what they could ask. For example, you ALWAYS get “tell me about yourself” or “why do you want this position?”
What “off script” questions could they ask? Like, tell me about a time when your manager was being unfair to you or the team…what did you do? Or, tell me how you handle being assigned more work than you can get done?
When you can feel comfortable with some “off script” questions, you’ll feel very comfortable with the standards.
If you’re preparing to give a presentation, same thing. Run through your talking points looking at your slides, if using them. Then run through it without the slides and see how well you know your material.
Next, what questions “could” be asked? Prepare, to handle them. Not sure what they could ask? Ask yourself, what would I ask someone presenting my material and not being as confident as I am?
OVER-preparing truly gives you confidence in interviews and presentations. And if you’re comfortable and have someone you trust in your world, ask them to listen to you present and give you feedback.
Now I want to talk about the nervousness when you speak. I used to hear my voice shaking when I spoke as well. Surprisingly, many people I asked after, said they didn’t hear a thing. I knew my content so well that they didn’t hear it. (over-prepared paid off!)
However, even IF they notice your voice wavering, what I’ve experienced hearing a nervous speaker is…empathy. You’ll often find the audience “pulling for you” to get through it because they know speaking is not easy. It truly is for the brave. So bravo to you for taking it on.
Finally, there is one secret method for curing your shyness and making you a more confident interviewee and speaker.
Ready for it?
No it’s not over-preparing. I think I beat that one enough…:)
Here it is…
Do. It. As. Often. As. You. Can.
Experience not only helps you to feel more solid and confident, but you begin to strengthen you nerves and easily direct your voice to give you the power only you can deliver.
Find a toastmasters, volunteer to give talks at work, read a book and share its content during a meeting, consider getting out to network with other career professionals. All of which will shore up your confidence to handle small talk, big talk and everything in between.
I’ve been there, too shy, and what I shared with you, I ACTUALLY did to finally beat my own self defeat with speaking.
And you can too.
Over-prepare and do it as often as you can…
~ Fear nothing. Love everything.
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Thank you.