Help Chris!
How do you remember to hold center in the moment of a trigger?
I have studied the techniques, I practiced coping and calming methods. But what can I do to remember these in the moment. Seems like I don’t have that awareness until after it’s already done and over. This is something I really want to focus on so any suggestions/books/advice is welcome.
Thank you!
Signed,
Feeling determined
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I DO appreciate you, feeling determined!
First, your self awareness about being triggered and willingness to do something about it.
Second, for practicing methods to help you gain control and wanting to explore even more options.
So here’s the thing…
It’s not the “thing” or the “person” that is triggering you. It’s your thought about the “thing” or the “person” that causes that wellspring of emotion to bubble up.
Let me say this… I’ve experienced this as well and have had to step back and ask myself, what’s going on in me that I’m allowing this (or them) to bother me.
When I stop trying to defend myself, my thoughts or my perspective against what I perceive as a threat keeps me from being triggered.
However, it STILL happens… Why? Well, like you, I’m human.
Triggers happen.
The thing you have to do is take care of yourself BEFORE anyone or anything triggers you, and that requires an inside job.
When you strengthen your core belief in yourself, you’re well on your way to being open to another perspective…which is what this is REALLY about.
We get triggered because we think something or someone doesn’t align with what we believe to be true.
What if we simply allow, the thing or the person to be, do or have what they want and we go about our merry happy way?
Here’s an example of what I mean.
A coworker was complaining about not being “given” a position that he has to compete for, just like the rest of us. I tried to explain to him that he was responsible for his career, not anyone else.
Well that didn’t seem to be sinking in. I was getting both frustrated and furious, that he seemed to think he was better than everyone else who had to apply for higher graded positions…but not him.
I went back to my cubicle and heard in my spirit…”what the hell does this have to do with you?” This is a lesson and experience HE needs to have. You can’t save someone from that which they are meant to see.
When he came back later and said his new mentor was going to take care of him, I simply said, “that’s great, I wish you all the best.” And I genuinely meant it.
You see, feeling determined, sometimes we have to be our own personal coach and remind ourselves, in the moment (or sometimes after), “what the hell does this choice or action have to do with me?”
Facing that you diminish the frustration and the “sting” of it. This allows you to distance yourself enough to gain control, not be triggered and move on.
My prescription for you, feeling determined, is to get ahead of the triggers by strengthening your inner spirit. Remind yourself of how amazing a being you are and that nothing else truly matters beyond that. (when I forget, I take a day off to just love on myself!)
Next, create your own “reminder” for when you think “triggering” is coming. It could be similar to mine, “what does this have to do with me?” or “this sounds like a ‘them’ problem.” Making it light and lighthearted will keep you in the zone of peace.
Finally, give yourself a break! EVERYONE gets triggered over something and quite frankly, it’s ok. It’s a chance to check in with yourself and be reminded of how special you are and…to remember to love yourself, first.
Be determined to take care of you and your spirit first, and the rest will take care of itself.
Good luck!
~ Let life love you!
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Thank you.