Hi Chris,
I was asked, when it comes to self improvement, what are my biggest struggles. I admit I had to think about it for a minute and came up with no less than 10!
But I really think the one I’d like to overcome is…not being so hard on myself.
Do you have any advice to help me?
Signed,
Too hard on myself
~~~~~~~~~~
Congratulations too hard on myself! Great first step…
Few people would be willing to take an honest look at their self improvement struggles and yet, you are an overachiever at 10!
I want to also compliment you for narrowing it down to one, to start.
It happens to be a great one!
It is our nature to put the blame, circumstances and spotlight on something outside of ourselves. It’s never easy to turn that spotlight on ourselves and discover that we’re the only one in control of anything in our lives.
That’s why I celebrate you for doing so.
You asked for advice…and I’m actually going to do two things.
One is to say, that being hard on yourself can be a gift.
Two, being hard on yourself can keep you from seeing opportunities to expand beyond your current life experience.
Sounds like I’m double talking, right? Well, hang in with me…I’ll explain.
Being hard on yourself means that you’re seeing yourself where you are and it’s not the place you want to be. That shows that you know that you’re ready for far greater than you’re now experiencing.
See how that’s a gift!
Recall that it is our nature to put the blame outside of ourselves because it’s more comforting and safe.
Being willing to look at where you are and know that it is not enough and then being hard on yourself, can be catalyzing! It can kick you into a whole new way of being and an energizing way of getting there.
When you’re tired of what is, you are ready and willing to go after what you want…struggle be damned!
Now let’s look at the second piece of advice, where being hard on yourself can keep you from seeing opportunities to achieve what you know you’re meant for.
I will tell you that myself and all the people I’ve coached over 20 years, have ALL struggled with being hard on ourselves. And when we do, we tend to shut down and resist opportunities to pull us out of the downward spiral of negative self-talk.
This means that opportunities would have to literally slap you in the face for you to pick up your head and see them. It’s why I often say to my clients, and myself at times, let’s look at what’s in your way, and what could happen if we got it out of the way.
Often times it’s the self-talk and being down on ourselves, unable to see how absolutely brilliant we are. But once it’s out of the way, through more powerful self-talk, the way forward is clear.
Here’s what I would suggest…
Change your view of being hard on yourself, when it comes to self improvement to:
This process will give me access to every possibility, every experience and every chance I can to grow and expand beyond where I am and where I can be.
How’s that?
It’s a simple reframe of what “hard on yourself” could mean to your head, heart and soul.
It’s a gift and an opportunity that you’re being called to.
Heed the calling and enjoy the journey my friend!
~ Let life love you!
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