A question for you Chris,
How do you deal with discomfort? Do you pause and adjust? Or do you cry and maybe run away?
Signed,
Uncomfortable
~~~~~~~~~~
Well, uncomfortable, it depends…
If I am in the midst of a heated discussion that was causing me discomfort, I would pause and adjust for what I really want out of the conversation.
Even if it’s just a “tough” conversation with a client, I would likely take a breath and allow some space for us to come back together, in the spirit of fully supporting them.
In all cases, however, I do find it prudent to use the “pause and adjust” approach to dealing with discomfort. In addition, I would add that “reassessing” afterwards, is a good next step to ensure that the next time is more fruitful.
Let me give you an example.
Say you’re talking with your partner and they are pushing to go to dinner at a particular restaurant. You want a movie and popcorn for your evening adventure. It begins to get a bit heated because you each want what you want.
The resolution may call for a pause to think about whether this is REALLY important or whether it’s simply not worth the energy. Then, you can adjust by suggesting that dinner tonight and movie tomorrow night…or vice versa.
Without the pause, you wouldn’t see options. Without options, you can’t effectively adjust. Here is where “reassessing” comes in. You can ask questions like:
- Why did it get this heated?
- What is my partner missing out on, that they needed to “fight” for what they wanted?
- What am I missing out on as well?
Reassessing can make the “discomfort” a non-starter. If you address what’s really going on…what’s missing…the ability to have a more comfortable conversation presents itself.
I won’t kid you, uncomfortable…cry and run away is also a good option if it gives you the “pause” in the action. Sometimes, relieving the pressure, in whatever way it takes, can cause the least harm in the long run.
The benefit of “reassessing” applies here as well.
- Why did I get to this state – crying and running way, in order to soothe myself?
- What am I not asking for, that would make me feel both comfortable and safe?
The act of “reassessing” is power.
Power to make the next time both comfortable and satisfying.
I return to my first response, uncomfortable…it depends.
However, reassessing why you’re in an uncomfortable state is required, every time.
~ Let life love you!
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