Dear Chris,
I wonder if you can help here.
I often struggle with “chit chat” when meeting people.
I just don’t know where to start and I’m just freaking uncomfortable with it.
Got any suggestions?
Signed, Sweaty palms
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Hey there sweaty palms!
Chill out my friend, I got you!
Back in the day, I hated small talk, chitchat –fests.
In fact, my distaste for it almost cost me a significant promotion in my career. So I feel you.
Here’s the deal… ALWAYS, but ALWAYS remember…just to be clear…ALWAYS remember…
People LOVE to talk about themselves.
If you keep that little nugget tucked away, you’ll be dry and in control in no time!
However, you need TWO things to make this work for you.
One is the ability to take the offense. That means, you ask a question that gets them talking.
All you need is a few “classic” openers and then spend the rest of the time letting them entertain YOU.
Classics include:
- What brought you here?
- Who do you already know and how do you know them?
- What’s your favorite dessert and why?
- Do you have a hobby you’d rather be doing right now?
You get the idea.
(I bet you thought I was going to suggest, “tell me about yourself” – don’t you just hate that question in interviews and life?)
You’ll likely pick up on something that you have in common and before you know it, it’s off the races! And even if you don’t, they will so appreciate you for listening that they won’t notice that you haven’t “chatted them up.”
The second thing you need is a clean eardrum and the ability to listen. This is SO much easier than you think.
- Make it a bit of a game for yourself.
- Challenge yourself to notice if their expression really matches what they’re saying.
- See if you can figure out what they’re NOT saying.
That’s why the hobby question, if answered honestly, will reveal that they are just as uncomfortable as YOU are! And then you have something in common!
(See what I did there?)
Listen, I’m with you. I do not like to chitchat, to this very day.
But I think about, before thrust into the situation, what do “I” want as a reward for doing so.
You know, do I get to have pizza for dinner or do I get to indulge in a sweet as a pat on the back for being human AND social at the same time?
(Pretty good hat trick if I say so myself!)
Ok Sweaty palms, you have your assignment…
Come up with some “classic” questions (or steal shamelessly from me, I can take it!) to go to the offense the next time you’re faced with a chat-fest.
Be sure to decide how you’ll reward yourself for just being human and not wanting to entertain every Tom, Dick and Harriet you come across…
(but you’ll celebrate that you did if for nothing else than learning about another human being and getting a sweet reward for sharing their energy.)
Let me know how you made out!
And if you created your own questions, share! I’d love to add to my own stash of good questions!
~ Fear nothing. Love everything.
