Hey Chris,
This is a tough one to talk about and I’m hoping you can help me.
I recently reconnected with an old friend on social media. No big deal, just checking in to see how they were doing since we hadn’t talked since forever.
Well, my significant other didn’t like it. She read more into it than there really was. When I tried to explain, she simply said she didn’t trust me anymore and that the relationship was over.
Ugh…
I really don’t want this to end. So, let me ask you.
How does one rebuild trust with someone who says there’s no trust because of my actions, even if harmless?
Signed,
To live and love again?
~~~~~~~~~~
Dear to live and love again,
My heart goes out to BOTH of you.
Relationships are often a means of getting to know ourselves at a level we otherwise couldn’t.
While I can’t know why she feels this truly reflects a level of mistrust, I can only honor where she is in this process. I will say, because I can tell you’re open to it, there is always so much more to this than the simple thought or action.
I’ll leave it to you to dive into what’s been said or left unsaid that led to this unfortunate event and her mistrust.
However, my first inclination in reading your email was to suggest that the way you lost trust is the way you regain it. Namely, if it were through your actions, your actions are the method you use to build trust again.
You see, words will bounce off the heat of anger and hurt that she may be filled with. Even simple gestures may go unnoticed because they have to get beneath the hurt and pain she is experiencing.
Losing trust can be like experiencing a death.
When you no longer have that emotional “security” you can go through a grieving process. You also have to give your heart and mind an opportunity to “believe” that you can trust again.
I’m sure in your own life, someone has done something that caused you not to trust them again. And when you see the same or similar situation come up, you pull back and recall to tread lightly because this happened before and it can damage your trust again.
So even after grieving, one has to “believe” that they can trust again.
This is one reason why actions will help to demonstrate that it is in fact “safe” to trust again. These actions will take time to bust through the grief and disbelief and allow you to be seen in that light again.
First, let me warn you. You have to decide if you’re “in” and “up” for it. It won’t be easy and it will take time. However, it’s one of those powerful emotions, like love, that if rebuilt can not only be well worth it, but can last a lifetime.
No matter what, to live and love again, the brilliance of this “break” will give you both time to heal, recover and restore to the powerful people you are, with an immense insight into who you are and the impact you can make.
Take comfort in knowing…like everything in life, this is an experience designed to give you more than you can see, right now.
~ Fear nothing. Love everything.
