What’s up Chris!
Hey listen, I have a challenge I hope you can help with.
I have been feeling like the resident door mat because people just love to ask me to do things for them and I always try to be the nice guy and help out.
I don’t know how to turn off the faucet without offending someone. If I do say something, I feel mad, sad, guilty and all that crap and eventually give in.
I’m beginning to resent when I’m in the same room with some of these people. I used to enjoy their company but now I fear that they’re going to hit me up for something.
I don’t mind helping, really, but I’m just tired of being squeezed like a lemon and no one is adding any sugar back to the glass, if you know what I mean.
Got any suggestions how I can stop getting squeezed and maybe get them to sweeten their own pots?
Signed,
Lemon Squeezey’d
~~~~~~~~~
Ah my dear Lemon Squeezey’d,
Soft touch are you?
I say that will all due respect my friend.
You see, I deeply honor you for being the “nice guy” who wants to give, help and support.
The approach I’d ask you to first consider is how you can be the “nice guy” who gives, helps and supports…you.
No one will give you the “sugar” unless you’re willing to give it to yourself, first.
It may be easier to try this approach. When someone asks you for something, you say,
“Hmmmm…I gotta take care of my bills, my energy, my health, etc. first. Then I’ll circle back to you, how about that?
You’re not saying, no, get out of here.
You’re saying “hmmm, can’t right now” but I’ll consider it for later.
This does two things…
One, it gives you the opportunity to focus on and take care of you, first. You get to enjoy identifying what goodness you can give yourself, without the guilt.
Two, they can’t be upset with you because you didn’t say no. You simply said, not right now because you have to “sugar” your own lemonade first.
By the way, if they are “salty” about your response, time to distance yourself for your own sanity.
I don’t have to tell you that when people find a “soft touch” they keep you on speed dial. You may want to make yourself “unavailable” for those folks for a while, so that you’re not the first thought when they “need.”
This may be difficult at first, but in the long run, it will line up with the old adage “absence makes the heart grow fonder.” Let them miss you for the “right” reasons.
Pick up your door mat, Lemon Squeezey’d and get thee out into the sunshine of enjoying your life and its sweetness…beginning always, with a focus on you.
~ Fear nothing. Love everything.
