You know Chris,
I have had to work on this over many years, reading, listening to podcasts to help me overcome my shyness and increase my confidence.
I would love to hear what you have done to improve, and what challenges you faced or are still struggling with.
Signed,
Ongoing learner
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Thank you for asking an ongoing learner! (love that title btw)
I can relate…
When I started working after college, I was incredibly shy. I didn’t know how to talk with my co-workers even when they were training me. Asking any other questions felt like I was intruding in their lives. So I stayed quiet and took notes.
After about 3 years, I wanted to be a manager. Well, one of the executives talked to me about how quiet I was. I told him that I didn’t know how to make small talk.
He said, here’s what you do. Just ask them a question that gets them started and then shut up. They will take it from there.
This was the first time I learned that people will talk about themselves for hours, if you give them an ear. And all you have to do is ask them a question that gets them going.
Essentially, an ongoing learner, if you get outside of yourself and let people do the talking, they will think YOU are an incredible listener and your confidence to connect with others will soar, as it did for me.
Getting outside of yourself is ALL about focusing on the other person or people…not just you…
Now let’s take that from a one-on-one discussion, to where I wanted to improve my public speaking skills. You can’t listen when YOU are the speaker, right?
However…same principle applies…at least that’s what I learned.
Here too, it was about “getting outside of myself.”
When I focused on the fact that what I was delivering in my speech, was meant to be of service to the audience, my nervousness vanished. I felt strong, confident and powerful when I spoke in front of an audience.
Last example, I promise…smile
I wrote my first book some years ago. I was so focused on “getting outside myself” and just sharing what I knew worked in building a business. I was so excited when I published it through Amazon.
The first speaking gig I had after publishing it, I sold some copies!!! One of the people who purchased the book came to me after reading through it a bit. He said, “ I can hear you saying these words.” At first I was flattered, then I thought, hmmm, I wonder if that’s a good or bad thing?”
Then I started seeing more books about business building and I thought, well there’s goes the ballgame, I thought I was doing a great thing. Then I reflected on his comment…you WILL hear my voice in my book for two VERY good reasons.
One, it’s MY story and no one else can tell it with the passion I had for getting outside myself and helping others through my experiences.
And two, I actually spoke the book into a recorder and someone transcribed it! So it IS my voice…lol
So, ongoing learner, I hope you see the theme running here.
Whenever I get into a place where I could feel less than confident, I step back and ask, how do I “get outside myself” and make this about the person I’m working with, speaking to, etc.
Learn to get outside of yourself, ongoing learner, and you’ll discover more of who YOU are and how you can impact the world.
~ Let life love you!
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