Hey Chris,
How can I be more assertive when I am at work? Even though I always knew that people aren’t always trustworthy yet I still act very passive and submissive just to avoid trouble. But this causes me to get walked all over. I am the type of person people can walk all over and I wanna know how to change that.
Signed,
Asserting myself?
~~~~~~~~~~
Hello asserting myself and congratulations for being willing to look at this powerful area of your life!
There are some statements in your question I’d like to explore with you.
First, “people aren’t always trustworthy.”
This statement reminds me of my favorite quote by Maya Angelou.
“When people show you who they are, believe them. The first time.”
Instead of seeing them as not “trustworthy” consider seeing that they are only doing what works for them. It’s not about you. This is how they operate in the world and it really has nothing to do with you. So don’t take on the responsibility for their trustworthiness. Just believe who they show you they are and operate accordingly.
Second, “I still act very passive and submissive.”
This will surprise you. Being passive and submissive can be an excellent strategy for preserving your peace. Who needs active and pushy, all the time? Sometimes you get more flies with honey, right? Don’t discount backing off now, for something greater later. Use it as a strategy and it won’t feel like such a negative.
Third, “just to avoid trouble.”
Life is full of opportunities…uh, I mean trouble…lol You cannot avoid it. What you can do is, as I’ve suggested above…use it as a strategy. Trouble can give you insight into where people stand, what they believe and how to use all of that to your advantage. Let the “trouble” come and reveal who they are and who you are. You’ll then be able to determine what’s in your best interest, within your power and what you can ultimately control.
Finally, “I am the type of person people can walk all over.”
You’re not going to like this one. This is a choice. Here’s what I would suggest. When you feel like people are walking all over you…walk away.
You don’t owe anyone an explanation, other than perhaps, I need to:
- take a break (from the conversation, the argument, etc.)
- take a walk (to think this through and respond accordingly)
- take off (to the restroom to scream, the woods to yell…you get what I mean)
In all of these areas, you can ultimately take control by viewing each opportunity or interaction as a gift. A gift of insight, wisdom or clarity.
Ask, what’s the gift in this and I guarantee you, one will be presented to you.
Use the “art of strategy” to preserve your peace. Look at how this could serve you vs. disturb you. How can you turn what you think is an issue, into a powerful strategy for your career and your life?
Finally, even when you ARE “assertive,” people will assign their own meaning to that. It could be that you’re a bitch, a bastard, trouble, difficult, etc. And all you’re doing is standing up for yourself.
Don’t give them that kind of power…
First, recognize that the meaning they assign is more about them, than about you.
Next, take control of it by using the strategies I’ve shared and keep your peace.
You will learn, sometimes too late in life, that peace is truly the only thing that matters…for your health, wealth and happiness.
You wanted to know, asserting myself, how to change this…
That’s what I have to lovingly offer.
My best to you.
~ Let life love you!
If you have a question, challenge or issue that you’d like me to respond to for this blog, simply email me. I will respond to as many as I can and you will remain anonymous.
If you’d like to have a private conversation about a question, challenge or issue, simply go here to get started.