Hey Chris,
I feel like the inability to keep myself from judging and finding gratefulness is stopping me on my journey to a higher level of confidence and self esteem.
What can I do?
Signed,
On a journey
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Thank you for the question, on a journey!
For me, “judging and finding gratefulness” are external actions that get in the way of the internal — confidence and self esteem.
Here’s what I mean…
We judge based on a number of factors. Sometimes we wish we had what the other person has. Or, we feel like we’d “never” do something like they do it, because we can do it better. You see, an external focus.
“Finding gratefulness,” for me, has begun to feel manipulative. It is suggested that you can’t have more until you find gratefulness for what you have.
Get ready. Rant coming…
I am incredibly grateful for all that I have and for all that I desire. For someone to imply that I should simply be satisfied and grateful for what I have, for me, is someone trying to keep me in my place.
I’ve never been good at that, nor have I been successful at “staying” in my place. Which, is exactly why I’ve been successful, by the way.
I find it hard to believe that anyone on the planet today, isn’t grateful in some way shape or form. If it’s to simply to see the light of another day, to take a breath, to stand, sit or lie down…there is ALWAYS something to be grateful for.
So don’t tell people they have to be or find more “gratefulness.” You don’t know their journey and dare I say it, on a journey on, by doing so you’re actually judging them.
Full circle…took me a minute…lol
Now, if you remove judging and gratefulness from the picture, we get to focus on the really good stuff…you. And THAT is what is getting in the way of your confidence and self esteem.
You are NOT focusing on…you.
Why not?
Because you are allowing that external stuff to get in the way of focusing on you and the good you can feel about yourself. And you know why you don’t feel good about yourself? You think other people will judge you for it.
Insidious, isn’t it?
Here’s what I want to suggest to you, on a journey…
Start by reflecting on what’s really good about you. You KNOW what it is and I just want you to embrace it. It could be…
- You have a good heart
- You have a great smile
- You help people when needed (or not)
- You love great books, music, etc. and can’t wait to share that with someone
- You go to work, you do your best at whatever you do
- You enjoy children, pets, a good laugh, a nap in the afternoon
Hopefully you see where I’m going?
Building confidence and self esteem begins with a willingness to focus on…you. It draws on what you’re already good at and have forgotten.
It shines a light for others to feel confident and loving of self.
It has value.
It has power.
Start where you are, ignoring the judging and recognize that gratefulness is already a part of who you are.
Then…look lovingly and honestly at what’s really good about you. You, simply being, is a basis for confidence and self esteem.
Be you. For you.
You’re worth that…and so much more.
~ Find the gift!
If you have a question, challenge or issue that you’d like me to respond to for this blog, simply email me. I will respond to as many as I can and you will remain anonymous.