Hello Chris,
I have a question for you.
How can I stop being a loner and make friends. I can’t make interesting talk with people. I can see them getting bored when I do.
Help!
Signed,
Friendless
~~~~~~~~~~
Well Friendless, the question I would ask is…
What do you consider “interesting talk?”
I’m going to guess you’re talking about “small talk” so that you can get a conversation and connection going.
I get it, actually.
I’m a bit of a loner and have been most of my adult life. It comes from growing up in a two bedroom home with FOUR sisters. I absolutely adore my alone time…and enjoy my connection time as well.
Also, I NEVER enjoyed “small talk.” I recall a manager advising me that if I couldn’t learn how to do it, it would shorten my career.
Well, that’s all you had to tell me! I decided I needed to figure this thing out!
Here’s what I learned, friendless…
The way you become comfortable with small talk, is to put the spotlight on the person with whom you’re speaking.
Ask them a question and let THEM talk.
They will provide you with enough information, that you’ll be able to ask follow up questions to learn more about them.
People GREATLY appreciate being listened to…
Once you start there, you’ll get even more comfortable with inviting them into a friend-relationship. And they will see you as an incredibly good listener.
The key here is, it’s not about you…it’s about the person you’re across from.
You can you allow them to take the pressure off of you, if you simply ask them a question and let them talk.
Now what if you’re both struggling with this?
Then point that out. Be honest and say…
”You know, I’m not that great at small talk, how about you?”
Trust me, even if they say, “Me too,” you can then say…
“Hey we have something in common. Perhaps we can help each other? Tell me more about yourself”
And you’re off to the races!
Try that, friendless, make it all about them and see what happens…
Good luck!
~ Find the gift!
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