Hello Chris,
I am a people pleaser and I want to transform myself out of this behavior. I have reservations because I am in a relationship of 10 years, and I am tired of trying to please everyone all the time. I am looking for suggestions to what I should do.
Signed,
Not pleased
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Hi not pleased,
Yeah, there comes a time when those who please others, to keep the peace, to be nice, to be kind, etc. find that it’s just not that pleasant.
I applaud you for coming to this place in your spirit, where you want to stop trying to take care of others.
So you know what that means, right?
You have to start taking care of yourself, first.
Now if you’re a people pleaser, that sentence may have triggered you. You may be thinking, well that’s not how we’re supposed to be. We’re supposed to make the world nice for everyone else, if we can.
And while I’ll agree that we want ALL of us to live in a place of peace and community, we can’t be the solitary driver of it.
Whenever someone says that they have to be the “nice” person in the relationship or it all goes to hell, I’ll ask if they’ve ever been on a plane.
There is no accident in the flight attendance advising you to put on your oxygen mask first. It’s intentional.
If you pass out trying to help someone put their mask on, to please them, you’ll be unable to help them if they become panicked during the flight.
It is the burden of compassionate people like you, to help others know what true affection, love and support mean in the world. You are not being as powerful as you could be, as a model of what’s possible, if you’re simply “pleasing” people.
We are made of greater stuff and sometimes revealing it can be a game changer for those who we love.
Be compassionate, be loving, be kind…sure.
AND give up the people pleasing.
You will experience an immense power to make your life and those around you a brilliant example of self-love in the world.
~ Find the gift!
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